MERRY CHRISTMAS WAFL, Ace Claus here to spread some holiday cheer. I know all 15 teams could use some help this holiday season, so here's Ace Claus to each give you one gift for the upcoming season. This should make your Christmas season wonderful and your New Year bright :D
Boston Maulers: You get a Tom Brady pep talk, before every game Tom Brady will bring brought in via satellite from Foxboro to give Smithers and company a rousing pep talk to guide your men to victory week and week out. The chances of this working are slim but hey, it's Tom Brady.
Cincinnati Sentinels: Kevlar padding, Joe Sloan and Marvel Palmer seems to be on the ground a lot. Take this Kevlar padding and put it to good use. Might save your season or you guys will just look cool with Kevlar padded helmets and pads...
Cleveland Stallions: Cleveland Stallions, you seem like a solid team but you need defense. So I'm giving you Louisville middle lineback Andrei Kruschev. Consider it another Wolfpack castaway sent to Cleveland but this time around, old Ace Claus sent him.
Delaware Destruction: Well you are in for quite the treat since I'm bring back Nick Thibedoux to the Destruction. Ernest Campbell is doing well but Thibs was your guys lightning in a bottle.
Dublin Celts: This one is simple, you guys get yourself one of the best coaches in the college game. What no, not Nick Saban... HA. You get Brian Kelly from Notre Dame. The perfect man for the Celts and I'm sure his temper will keep you guys on your toes. Enjoy.
Edmonton Chill: Well Edmonton, you already have Chris Noel and Herm Johnson and you have Bubba Jones. What could you seriously need? I grant you An 1,000+ receiving season from Tommy Vegas. Should make him one of the elites.
Las Vegas Diablos: Oh hi Las Vegas, the most attention desperate team of the league. Your colluded QB battle is suppose to end tomorrow night but I grant you this, An Injury Free Season. For the team who has the most season breaking injuries consider 2013 a pass. Whoever is your quarterback, he's in the clear.
Los Angeles Immortals: What do you give one of the best teams in the League? why a trip to The World Bowl. Now please read this correctly LA fans, you're going to the World Bowl, doesn't mean you're going to win it. I don't have that much power. Ho Ho Ho.
Louisville Wolfpack: Well the Wolfpack are a stout defensive team but offensively they can be odd at times. That's why I'm granting Blake Wilson a rocket cannon arm. Funk isn't the best QB but he gets the job done, with a rocket cannon arm, he'll skyrocket passes to receivers with ease.
Minnesota Spartans: Well one of the favorites to win the Western conference, it's hard to decide what to give the Spartans but I guess I'm going to give you, the MVP trophy. Now boys, don't fight over it but AJ or Ahmad, this is for you. Play nice or you're both getting Coal for 2014.
Osaka Shoguns: Well Osaka took a risk on Mr.Glass aka Donte Houle so I grant them with the gift of Titanium Legs for all their players. Conner Pyatt will be lethal with these ankle breakers.
Philadelphia Iron: For a team who had a lot of grief with EA, your present is a written apology from Peter Moore and a year supply of EA published or produced games for 2013 for all personnel of the Philadelphia Iron. I mean you probably wanted like immunity for Ivan Inferno or for Aaron Culp to have stickum but no, this is more fitting.
Queen City Corsairs: With the WAFL cover curse looming, you get a curse free and all star worthy season out of Tony Henderson. The Corsairs may not win anything but at least Tony Henderson should enjoy himself.
Stirling Surge: A YEAR SUPPLY OF SCOTCH for SANDY CAMPBELL! Nope, just kidding Mr. Campbell. However I give you the present of Paul Young returning to form. So we're going to go back in time and bring back 2010 Paul Young and transport him to Stirling and get rid of the current Paul Young...secretly.
St. Louis Hornets: You St. Louis get a do over, so your Christmas present is the 1st overall draft pick in 2013. Now before you get the pitchforks and fire pokers, this is a freebie. Regardless of your record, may it be good or bad, this one is from Ace Claus.
Well my present giving is over, time to get to the picks and for that, I bring back Ace Whirls, WAFL Journalist and Media Personnel.
Louisville @ Dublin: Louisville isn't feel to good about this match up for some reason according to owner Derik Overstreet, so I'll go with Dublin in an upset. I'm sure the Wolfpack will find a way to win but perhaps Graham Holiday ends the preseason on a good note.
Boston @ Delaware: Our game of the week, I like Delaware after what they've done this preseason, it looks like they haven't missed a step. Ernest Campbell should do well for the Destruction.
Stirling @ Los Angeles: People are gonna start calling me an Immortals homer but until someone knocks these guys off the podium, I'm going to keep picking the Immortals. Jed Jones is Captain America, no one beats Captain America.
Diablos @ Stallions: Matt Saracen, welcome home. Yes it seem the Diablos are going with Saracen, not sure if O'Connor opted out or if Saracen is their guy, As for the game I think Cleveland prevails. Patrick Vance will be too much for this Diablos defense which gave up 118 yards to Dmitri Kruschev last week.
Spartans @ Iron: This is crucial game according to Iron owner Max Winter. Jobs are at stake, someone could get fired... is Vaughn Norman on the hot seat? Anyways I can't go against the Spartans. Flash Jackson should burn a suspect Iron secondary.
St. Louis @ Edmonton: The grand finale, the game to end the preseason. Edmonton hosts St. Louis and I feel an Ace Whirls upset coming. Upset of the Week (sorta) St. Louis and their stout defense will get the best of Chris Noel and the Hornets will prevail thanks in part to star receiver James Cooley.
Well this concludes a lengthy Ace Report, I'm going back home to be with my family this Christmas. I just want to wish all 15 owners a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
2013 is going to be a fun WAFL season and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. Our next Ace Report will be on the season opener and you'll get the first Ace Report power rankings.
Note: There will be no Monday Morning Waffles Christmas Eve. This is my last column for 2012. See you in 2013, WAFL
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